


Steps

by gibbsandtonysbabe



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2803931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gibbsandtonysbabe/pseuds/gibbsandtonysbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes all you need to do to have everything you ever wanted is take that first step.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my most awesome Beta Amy! I sure as hell couldn't do this without her! She is amazing!
> 
>  
> 
> I own nothing of NCIS ( really wish I could change that) and make no money off of this. I am merely borrowing them...playing with them for a bit and shall return them all shiny!

Sitting on the bottom step, he looked over at the large stack of wood to his left lying next to his work table. He sighed heavily as he noticed the small stack of toys that were in various stages of completion. Christmas was coming fast and he was running out of time. When he was tired he took breaks from the boat with the intention of knocking out more toys, but his heart just wasn’t in it.

 

After he returned from Mexico, he knew that he needed to make personal changes. It was something that he had started as a way to give back; a quiet way to honor Kelly and Shannon and turned into something far more personal. It had gone a long way into healing as well as opening up his heart, but it didn’t feel the same this year. 

 

Not all of the changes were easy, some were ongoing but they were necessary. Slowly he had begun to open up in some areas. It was a work in progress but he felt it had stalled. He was again feeling lost and knew that the loss of Jack was playing a part in that. However, it was far more than that, it felt more like he was waiting for something…or someone.

 

He had no regrets with Jack. They had come a long way and mended their relationship. He had talked, his Dad had listened and as always, they had managed to come together. The anger that had started as a teenager and burned like hell fire after the funeral of his girls had been laid to rest and a closer, better relationship had risen out of the ashes.

 

That didn’t make losing Jack any easier, he wasn’t ready for that at all. Finding the boat model had been a Godsend and had brought back treasured memories. Building the full size version was bringing everything full circle and it felt good. However, there was still something missing.

 

He leaned back against the steps grabbing his coffee as he looked over at the shelf holding a picture of his girls and a picture of his dad. Not for the first time, he wished they could give him the answers he needed.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

This was the fourth night in a row he dreamed about steps…the steps in Gibbs basement…steps he hadn’t sat on in a long time. He couldn’t say for sure when he had stopped dropping in but there were a great many variables why.

 

He sat up in bed drawing his knees up. Seemed like a vast chasm had erupted between himself and Gibbs and he had no idea how to close it. Of course he hadn’t been trying very hard either…maybe that’s where the dreams were stemming from. He was changing, growing and ready to make some changes in his life.

 

He had found solace in his Men’s Group and found out a few things about himself. They had been a great support that had come at a time he was floundering and trying to make sense of a few things. They had even helped him find ways to bridge the differences with his father and that was something that he didn’t think was possible. He accepted that they would never have the father/son relationship he dreamed of as a child and that was ok, what they did have was enough.

 

Sighing he leaned back against his headboard Maybe it was time to put on his big boy pants and instead of wondering the why to death, simply take a more proactive role and grab the bull by the horns. It was time and he was ready. Just how he was supposed to do this was something he wasn’t as sure about but he supposed that taking the first step was a start in the right direction.

 

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

 

Tony found himself outside Gibbs house two nights later looking at the steps that at that moment seemed insurmountable. For the first time he wondered if he would even be welcomed. Gibbs had never given him any indication that he wouldn’t, but the mind…especially his, was not the most logical at times.

 

Pushing those thoughts out of his head, he squared his shoulders and moved closer towards the house. Each step closer he felt more assured that this was the right direction, not that he would be able to explain it but a wave of calm descended upon him with each step that took him closer.

 

He entered the house and heard sounds from the basement. Taking a deep breath, he headed down the steps that had been haunting his dreams. Before he knew it, he found that he was sitting on the next to last one watching the older man work and felt like he was right where he was supposed to be.

 

There were no words needed as a simple quiet acceptance hung in the air. Time passed on as both men simply enjoyed knowing the other was there. Both men felt the anticipation of the unknown hanging in the air but were willing to let it be. Eventually Gibbs looked up from the boat and gestured for the younger man to come over.

 

Unable to deny such a summons Tony joined the older man who silently handed him a block sander with sand paper and smirked. Tony raised an eyebrow definitely questioning the older man’s sanity in letting him loose on the boat, but Gibbs merely pointed to a spot and gave him a gentle push before continuing with his own area.

 

Never one to back down from a challenge, even if he hadn’t a clue what the hell he was doing, he made his way to his now assigned portion of the boat. After a few missteps and some quiet swearing, he managed to get the sandpaper in the block to stay put and began to sand. 

 

Surreptitiously watching the older man, he noted that he moved with the grain of the wood and he followed suit. There was something to this wood thing, but then again he had always loved the smell of sawdust at least he had since he started working for Gibbs.

 

Before he was able to give that too much thought he felt the man standing behind him. He desperately wanted to ask the man what was going on between the two of them, why he felt compelled to be there and why he was dreaming about steps.

 

But he couldn’t make his mouth work as the older man looked over his shoulder, the smell of Old Spice and sawdust permeated the air around him and then, finally, it all made sense. He understood everything and that was fine but that didn’t suddenly give him the knowledge of just what he was supposed to do about it.

 

Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed the steps and knew he had a choice to make; he could either take the first step towards what was here and what he wanted or he could take those steps upstairs and out the door. It really wasn’t a choice at all because the moment he even entertained the idea of leaving he felt the deep loss and emptiness of that decision. 

 

He turned to look at the older man to see if the answers he needed were visible in his blue eyes and if he was getting it right this time only to have everything he was feeling mirrored back at him. He hadn’t expected that or maybe he did. Maybe for once he knew that he was right where he was supposed to be and taking the right steps to have what had always been there.

 

The words were there on the tip of his tongue ready to take flight all he had to do was open his mouth and say what had always been unspoken yet always there between them. Over the years, it had grown and taken a life of its own waiting for one of them to take that first step.

 

He managed to find his voice and the words came without thought or hesitation and yet full of wonder and awe. Knowing that this was everything he had ever wanted, no truer words had ever been spoken. “I love you.”

 

Gibbs could no more hold back the words if he wanted. This was his chance and as Tony’s words filled him, he knew that this was a long time coming. He had been fighting this for far longer than he knew, but he would no longer. The minute the younger man’s footsteps sounded above him he knew this was what he had been missing…waiting for and needed.

 

“That’s a good thing, because I love you too.” His voice rough vocalizing everything he had held back. 

 

“I’m not sure what to do here Gibbs…never loved anyone before.” 

 

“It’s all right. We’ll do it together step by step.”


End file.
